This year, I tried harder than I ever have before to be a serious artist. And this year I had my spirit broken and let go of dreams in a way I never have before. As an adult human I tried new things and tasted great success as well as terrible failure. I found strength within myself I never expected, and learned how I am very weak and need the help of others too.
This year I slowly drifted away and pushed others away. But I learned to do it purposefully instead of unknowingly. I've caused great hurt to people important to me, and I made a big difference for strangers as well as friends. I've gone mad inside my own skull in the solitude and found great pleasure in devoting my time and energy to myself. I ate some specialty dishes, but I've gone to sleep, woke up, and spent the day hungry an awful lot. I've become unstuck in time. I had razor focus and awareness of the present, only to tumble far out into limbo where I watch days and months fly past with no distinguishing marks.
This has been a year of letting go, for better and for worse. rt